…..
uh…..
Okay, I’ll be nice to start off. The prospect of watching a couple of speechless ninjas battle it out for a couple of hours sounded like a cool idea, but when it is whittled down to about 3 minutes of ninja battle and 2+ hours of Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans talking pointless smack while shooting at, well everything, I draw the line. I’m speaking of course of GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra. I’ll keep this short so you don’t waste your time. Bad. Really Bad. I’m seriously giving this flick a 2 out of 10 on the Bloated Penguin scale. I would have given it a zero but Sienna Miller can bring up a rating by breathing near the footage so Stephen Sommers can thank her specifically.
First up, this isn’t a movie, GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra is a 2 hour commercial. There is no continuity, terrible acting, bad decisions and no story. Basically all of the things that make A movie (not just a good movie but A movie) GI Joe lacks. From the opening scene through the credit roll, I seriously felt as though I was getting stupider. The biggest problem (biggest out of a list of many) is that GI Joe gives the audience zero credit for their intelligence. From the first day of school we all learn to respect the audience, but obviously Sommers ditched out that day. Here’s an example:
Joe 1 say: “I remember you from my past”
Joe 2 says: “I remember you from my past as well, it was the bunker wasn’t it?”
Joe 1 says: “Yes the bunker, it was the bunker in which I remember some inciting incident that involves you”
FLASHBACK to the bunker scene that was just explained
FLASH FORWARD to the conversation again
Joe 2 says: “I’m glad we just remembered that because I have a feeling it will better explain what I’m about to say next”
GI Joe leaves nothing to the imagination nor does it entertain on even the lowest levels. Please, if you absolutely have to see this flick, have the lowest expectations possible or you may suffer from brain damage.
August 17th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
The trailer already made me feel that getting a hyterectomy without anesthetic would be far more pleasurable than watching this flick.
August 17th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
i thought it would be bad but it just sounds terrible. funny review though.
August 18th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
It is said that G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is better than Transformer, one and two add up.
Exactly, not that I am saying Transformer suck, I like the film anyway, while G.I Joe just exceeds that. I didn’t expect so much for the movie, but what present to me now is a movie of precise temple, smart suspense and of cause, all kinds of thrilling visual stimulation.