Your Guide to North American Football Pub Culture

Posted by Katie on Monday, April 13, 2009 · 2 Comments

Manchester United Fans Celebrate

The Pub, the boozer, the nuclear sub, the bath, the rubber, the battle cruiser: Call it what you will.
For those obsessed with the English Premiership, you will be spending serious quality time there 10 months out of the year. If you are finding yourself interested in joining in the madness, I offer a few guidelines:

When entering the pub for the first time, enter as if you were a guest in somebody’s home. Because undoubtedly some of the lads will feel as if the pub is their home. They’re territorial, they’re protective, and they’ve put in their dues to have earned a bit of respect at the joint. Coming through the door with any bravado will most likely end up with your face meeting an unamused fist once the pints are flowing.
I say “lads” but there are a few women about who aren’t just latched on to their boyfriends on a Saturday morning. And if they’ve earned it, they get the same respect as the men do. This is a rather pleasant difference from what you might find with any regularity across the pond.
How do you earn respect? Time, indication of a vast knowledge of the sport, a displayed loyalty to your club, a displayed loyalty to your pub, and your ability to banter.
There are certain statistics you will need to know. Your side’s results to date, next few fixtures, injury list, and current squad are the bare minimum. But do not spout off statistics to prove your knowledge. In all likelihood, request for such information will arise in friendly conversation during the match and you will have answers at hand.
Example: “Giggs is getting up there, how old is he?”
Your Answer: “35..debuted in 1991, and one year left on his contract. Still got a little magic left in him.” Then raise your glass and add for good measure “Legend.”
Thus you’ve proved your knowledge without sounding like a total tw*t.
Wear your shirt; don’t wear the shirt. The choice is yours. Most pubs in the US are not club specific. So on any given day, five or six sides will have representation. Wearing your shirt may allow for instant identification and a sense of camaraderie. Wearing a vintage piece may even set you apart from the masses donning this year’s kit with “Ronaldo 7” printed on the back.
Have a story. Spending a semester abroad in London and thinking it would be “neat to follow the premiership” is not going to give you much credibility. You want something golden like your Great Grandfather ended up in Liverpool by way of Ireland and club loyalty has been in the family ever sense. His ashes were even sprinkled at Anfield behind the Kop end as your Great Gran sang “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” However, honesty is the best policy so if your semester abroad really is all you’ve got, may as well own it unapologetically. Supplement with an adeptness for quality banter.
For f*ck’s sake, use proper terminology. It’s “football” not “soccer.” “Pitch.” “Boots.” Go on, use it. Certain terminology is used in the culinary or couture industry and nobody is called unpatriotic for displaying their education on the subject matter. You’re at a pub at 7:30 AM, living on BST/GMT, in full football regalia. You’re amongst ex-pats and other Anglophiles. Feel at ease to use appropriate diction.
Learn a song or two. Even if your wit is lacking, a good song will usually suffice in rebuttal or to get things a bit lively. Join in if you know the tune.
Yes. Go ahead and drink. 7:30 AM? You’re given absolution from the “alcoholic” moniker on just such occasions. It will get rowdy, there may be a brawl or two, but nine times out of ten, the dust will settle with all involved sharing a drink and having a laugh.
Go back. Go back often. In no time, you’ll find yourself feeling a bit protective when some loudmouthed muppet comes walking through the door of “your pub.”